u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
