When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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