hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
