Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
wow bdsm is so cute
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
