You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
