I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
