Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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