I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
