The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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