We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
