he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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