now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
