I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
God, I missed his penis.
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