so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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