yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
