he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
