Buhtt sex?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
