walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
