I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
