I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
