I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
