Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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