i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize