When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
