Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
