why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
