textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
