..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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