I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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