need another drink. this is the easiest way
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize