I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
