Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
