"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
