Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
