Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
