I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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