So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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