I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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