he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
