Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
