I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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