I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
