I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
