IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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