i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
