I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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