11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
