Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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