I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
