yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
