There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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