Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
