Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
