At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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