Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
