Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He passed out mid-signature
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
