My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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