I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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