Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
