Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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