the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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