When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
