i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
