I think I died a long time ago.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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