I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
