it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
