I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
