i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
