Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
